6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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