I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
