its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
