yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
