Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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