someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
