I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
