Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
