so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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