So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
