i think my tv is drunk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
