i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
