So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
