Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
