She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
