he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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