Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
