yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
