I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
okay pat passed out under dana's car
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
