Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
