On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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