You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
