I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
