New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
