Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
