I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize