Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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