I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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