Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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