I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
