dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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