ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
