Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
