Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
