You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
