Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
