it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
