I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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