i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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