He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
