I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
