you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
