dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
