When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize