Yo dont text me then not text me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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