This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have feelings that need drinking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
