Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
