Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
