This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
