It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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