she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
