I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
