i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
did you just send me my own nude
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
