so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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