He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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