I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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