That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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