Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
