In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
