apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ok first of all what the fuck
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
