i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
