the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize