You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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