lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
