So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
