I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
