Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
