I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
