Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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